Fragile Strength
by JazzygirlCullen
Summary: Jasper is a rehab center patient with multiple personality disorder and a narcotics addiction. Alice works there as his nurse. Can they help each other's struggle to find happiness and peace? AH/AU Rated M for sex, language and adult themes.
1. From different worlds

**Disclaimer:** SM owns. If I owned Twilight, Jasper would be in every scene in the whole saga, preferably shirtless.

_**SPECIAL THANKS TO K (Calin_Durus, one half of Alsper) for beta-ing this chapter for me.**_

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**AN**:

This is my very first fanfiction, so bear with me. It contains mature themes as well as swearing and future lemons, so if you are underage, please don't go any further.

I was inspired to write this story for several reasons. Jasper's character is loosely based on Criminal Mind's Adam. Jackson wonderfully portrayed such a deep, wounded person so well that my heart broke at the end when we lost him. I decided to "revive" him, but make his condition not as extreme. He remains the shy, unsure, non-confrontational person most of the time.

The other story that inspired me to write this is Demons & Sinners by Alsper. My most fave story for all time forever! If you haven't read it yet, go to my profile where there is a link.

**Characters: **

Alice – 21 year old nurse, RMT and yoga instructor at Rolling Hills Rehabilitation and Wellness Center. The center specializes in helping people with mental disorders and addiction transition into functional lives. They use a more holistic approach in their treatment, using naturopaths, acupuncturists, and massage therapists. The facility includes a full gym, yoga classes, etc.

Jasper – 22 year old patient with a history of mild multiple personality disorder / dis-associative personality disorder, as well as depression. He has been stable for a year now and has been sent to Rolling Hills for rehabilitation and occupational therapy. He is still dealing with his prescription narcotics addiction.

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**CHAPTER 1**

**JPOV**

"So this is your room." I forced myself to focus on the motherly nurse as she finished up the tour she was giving me of the building and facilities. "I'll leave you here to unpack and get settled in. Dinner is in about an hour."

She closed the door and I looked around myself. It was a small room, but nice and clean. My bags were on the floor. Ignoring that for now, I lay down on the bed. I had a killer migraine. I closed my eyes and pressed my fingers against the side of my head, hoping to relieve it a bit. The nurse, Carmen, had given me some painkillers not long ago. I hoped to God it starts to kick in soon.

As the drugs started to work, I thought of my adoptive parents. _Man they really shelled out a lot of money for me this time. The perks of being an only child. _I really wanted to get better though. I was tired of all the bullshit, tired of the raging storms inside my head _God, if you're out there; please make it work this time._

I was 6 years old when my dad died. Mom eventually got married again, to an abusive dickwad who beat her so badly one time she never recovered from it. Fucker was smart though, made it look like an accident, so the cops never found out. With her gone, he turned his anger on to me. I was in and out of hospitals, until eventually child services found out and took me away from him. I was twelve by that time.

Not long after that, Dr. Cullen and his wife adopted me. They were really patient with me, dealing with my mood swings and anger problems. They sent me to doctors and shrinks to help me recover from all the childhood trauma. Unfortunately, I got addicted to whatever they prescribed to me. I suffered from regular migraines, and I blacked out from time to time.

I did OK in school, but mostly I was busy just trying to survive living day to day with my mind in a constant whirlwind of confusion and pain. I tended to hang around the bad kids. I guess I just gravitated towards them. I fooled around with girls, whoever was there at the time. I _AM_ a horny bastard, so high school was just a blur of booze and drugs and pussy.

I've been in and our of rehab centers, to deal with my addiction and mental disorders. But nothing seemed to work. Not to mention some of the people inside those centers were pros at different ways to get drugs. There were a few years where I was mostly in a drug-induced state. Whoever says weed is not addictive is full of shit. These days, most of it is laced with heroin and speed.

With all that crap in my system, and psychiatrists trying various forms of treatment on me, that ranged from hypnosis to mild shock therapy, I finally snapped and hit rock bottom. They say I have mild Multiple Personality Disorder. Or at least, it's mild now. I don't know how bad it was before, I don't remember. I suffered a nervous breakdown around that time, and it was months before I could even leave the house.

Eventually, I became a bit more stable. Not long after, Carlisle found out about this center and decided to send me here. They have naturopaths and therapists, instead of doctors and shrinks. Some of the therapists here are supposed to have rough backgrounds as well, but they've survived and come out of it able to help others.

_As long as my therapist is able to really help me, rather than treat me like a science experiment like most shrinks I've had to deal with, I'll try my best to cooperate. _I thought, getting up and starting to put my things away.

But the withdrawals are gonna suck ass. I could feel my hands start to shake. _FUCK!_

For the purpose of not shocking my system and transitioning my mind, they have me on very mild antidepressants right now, which they told me would gradually stop. I grabbed my smokes and lighter from my duffel bag and went downstairs for a smoke before dinner started.

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**APOV**

The sun was shining on my face as I drove to work. I got a nice tan from my four days off. Got to lay in the beach and relax before I commit myself to working for fourteen days straight.

_Goodbye outside world for two weeks... oh well who was I kidding? I love my job and I have no life anyway._

Working at the rehab center has its perks. I have a very flexible schedule. Normally it's three days on, four days off. Three days on being fourteen hour days. Those days I lived, ate and breathed in the center. We had staff quarters attached to the main building.

On my days off I lived at the apartment I shared with my best friend Rosalie. Since I'm hardly there anyway, her boyfriend Emmett practically lives there. It's a good thing he mostly stays over when I'm not there. Their nightly moaning rituals just add to my pent up frustration.

_Yeah I haven't had any for… um…eight months twenty-one days and counting… _

My ex- boyfriend Tyler broke up with me cos of my work schedule. Says he hardly ever sees me. More like he wasn't seeing me as often as he likes to get blown.

_If he was any good in bed, I would have worked my schedule around and seen him more._

My sexual experience was very limited. But after hearing Rose scream and wail, I was pretty sure Tyler was doing something lacking.

I stopped by the gate and scanned my employee card for the electric fence to open. Driving through the rehab grounds towards my parking spot, I smiled a little. _It's not so bad being here for two weeks straight, this place is so pretty_. The Rolling Hills Rehabilitation Facility was a privately-owned center, situated on top on a hill, with nice manicured lawns and a pretty view from the buildings. Due to recent storms and flooding that hit my parent's house, I took on a shitload of overtime to be able to send them some money.

I went in the building into the nurse's office and did my regular starting routine on autopilot. Signed in, sorted through my mail, and checked my inbox. There was a notice about a new patient with mild MPD who just came in yesterday. Jasper Cullen, looks like my boss was assigning me to him. Here at the center, they like to give their patients more one-on-one attention, especially the new ones, to help them feel safer and secure as they adjusted. The email had a rough outline of his treatment and therapy schedule.

I changed into my pink scrubs and walked to the main area to see what my boss wanted me to do today. _Yes I'll admit it, I custom ordered different colored scrubs. With my tiny frame, I would drown in the standard ones. The ones I got were custom-sized as well so they didn't hang off my body, rather it fit me nicely._

"Alice, it's time for room four-oh-two to take his meds. Can you bring it up to him? Also tell him group is in thirty minutes in Hall B." Carmen, the head nurse, was a nice mother-figure to me.

"Sure thing, mamasita." I grabbed the cup of pills and bottled water from the fridge and headed up to the fourth floor.

I stopped outside his door and knocked. "Come in." I heard a voice say. I pushed open the door and stepped inside.

_OH. FUCK. ME._

I dunno how long I stood there staring at his tortured green eyes. They had dark circles under them, but it didn't take away from the breath-taking beauty of his face. His messy, dark blond hair looked like he'd been running his hands through it. He was wearing a thin white t-shirt that hinted at his taunt and well-defined muscles, and jeans hung low on his hips.

I snapped myself out of my lust-hazed thoughts and gave him a small smile. "Hi, my name is Alice." I held out my hand.

He shyly stepped closer and engulfed my small hand in his. Fire shot up my arm and made my stomach flutter. _God Alice pull yourself together!!! You're a nurse and he's a patient. Be more professional!!!_ I tried my best, but his smell was distracting me. It reminded me of campfire and cedar and freshly cut grass. That and his hand; rough and slightly calloused but with nice slender fingers.

His voice brought me back to his face. "My name is Jasper, nice to meet you." _Dammit!! One minute with this guy and my panties are already getting soaked! _I was a sucker for southern accents.

He smiled at me and let go of my hand, breaking eye contact and rubbing the back of his neck, looking at the ground. It finally gave me a chance to compose myself. _Those eyes are just hypnotizing. The amount of pain and weariness in there. _I looked around his room. It was neat and simple. No pictures or personal touches. _That could be cos he just got in yesterday. _I noticed a guitar case in one corner of the room.

I studied him a bit. I'm not an expert with MPD, but I've had some experience with different patients. Jasper's was supposed to be a mild case. I knew it was usually post-traumatic stress that caused it, and I hoped to find out more. Although Jasper's therapist is the one who will work with him for treatment, as nurses here we are encouraged to get to know our patients a bit more to help them open up and deal with their condition, therefore making it easier on his therapist.

His posture and body language told me he was a bit unsure of himself. He hunched his shoulders forward and started running his fingers through his hair, seeming agitated. I focused on trying to make him relax.

_That's right. Concentrate on seeing him as a patient, and how you are going to help him. Not on how much you want those fingers to be running over somewhere else…_

_Snap out of it!!_

I gave myself another mental shake. "I've been assigned to be your nurse for the next few weeks while you get settled in here. It's time for your meds." I gave him the cup and bottled water, and watched as he popped the pills in his mouth and took a gulp of water. I stepped closer to him. "Please open your mouth for me. Sorry it's just procedure."

"'S'alright." He gave me a small half-smile and opened his mouth. I inspected it quickly, making sure he swallowed. _Oh good Lord he has a tongue ring!!!_ My panties were getting more uncomfy, my head spinning, as I smiled at him, pretty sure I looked like a horny idiot.

"You're all set. Group starts in half an hour in Hall B. I'll see you around, OK? Don't hesitate to find me if you need anything." I started backing away, determined to put some space between us while I gathered my thoughts.

"Thanks Alice." His voice was quiet as he fiddled with the water bottle.

"You're welcome." I turned and quickly left the room, hurrying down the hall.

_I am in trouble._

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**JPOV**

I was sitting at my desk finishing up writing in my journal. I met my therapist Jim last night, and he wanted me to do this. He was actually a pretty cool guy in his fourties. He's been through some pretty fucked up shit as well, so at least he has some life experience and can empathize with me.

Getting my thoughts and feelings on paper was making me feel tired and weary, and it was almost like I could feel my brain start to slow down. The common misconception about depression is that people who suffer from it feel sad and blue. For me, I feel nothing, it's like there's a void space in my brain and chest. And that scares the shit out of me. I would rather feel fear or sadness, even pain. I chose that over feeling dead inside.

My head was starting to pound again. I got up, planning on going for a smoke, when I heard a soft knock on the door. "Come in." I said hesitantly.

The door opened and I sucked in my breath. _Holy Fuck am I dreaming? Did my mind finally snap?_

Looking back at me was one of the hottest girls I have ever seen. Long, thick dark brown hair against glowing, tanned skin, smoky blue-gray eyes and pouty lips on a heart shaped face. She was small, around 5 feet, but she had big boobs that strained against her pink scrubs.

I felt my pants tighten as she smiled at me and introduced herself. _Her voice! _It was the perfect combination of innocent and husky, and the sultry quality of it went straight to my dick.

_She's holding her hand out. Stop ogling her and do something idiot!_

I shuffled forward and took her tiny hand. Electricity shot up my arm and I got even harder. Her hand was so smooth and soft. I introduced myself. _Damn I hate how my accent comes out strong when I'm nervous! _I don't know what is it about this girl, but she's making me feel all uneasy and self-conscious, even more so that usual.

I dropped her hand and stared at the ground, hating how I felt so inadequate next to her. I started to fidget with my hair, remembering craving a smoke before she came in the room, and the feeling intensified tenfold.

I heard her say how she was assigned to me for the next few weeks. _OK Jasper you can do this. _I mentally gave myself a pep talk_. If you're gonna be spending time with her, you better get used to being around her._

I went through the motions of taking my meds and letting her check my mouth; all the while willing my body to relax around her. _It won't do you any good if she notices your raging hard-on! Then she might report you and you're ass will be in deep shit! _It was fucking torture though; the very air around us seemed to be charged with sexual tension. At least where I'm standing.

I hope the pills help relax me a bit before I have to head to group. She told me to find her if I needed anything.

_Anything?_

_Get your mind out of the gutter!!_

I thanked her and watched her as she turned around and left the room, my eyes glued to her ass. Cute and firm. Fucking perfect.

Fucking hell! On top on having to deal with withdrawals and emotions, I'm gonna have a hell of a time trying to control my lust-hazed thoughts around this girl!

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**So whatdy'all think? Reviews are loved. Again, this is my very first fanfiction, so please keep that in mind.**


	2. Gravity

**AN:** First of all, I apologize for taking so long to update. I suffered writer's block through most of November, plus real life kept making me it's bitch.

Thanks soooo much for the reviews!!! They make my heart all aflutter! Chapter 2 continues from exactly where Chapter 1 left off. Btw - I made a small reference to "Remember Me?" My fave Sophie Kinsella book.

**One more thing, I need a beta for this story. If you are interested, please PM me**.

**Disclaimer:** Sophie Kinsella owns Remember Me? Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Jacksper owns me.

**SPECIAL THANKS TO Robin (Kirmit) for beta-ing this chapter for me. Make sure you read her and Kristin's **_**Demons and Sinners**_**, it's full of Alice and Jasper yumminess. I have a link up on my profile. **

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**CHAPTER 2**

**APOV**

I hurried down the hall, determined to get some fresh air. Hopefully it would clear my mind. My brain was still reeling from the short yet intense exchange I had with Jasper.

I rushed down the stairs and out into the courtyard, ignoring the curious looks my coworkers and some patients were giving me. I rounded the corner and walked up the side of the building, finding my secluded spot where I know I can always find some privacy.

There was a small bench tucked away, partly hidden behind a tree. I sat down and took a couple of deep breaths, trying to clear my mind.

_Wow Alice. Overreact much?_ I thought to myself as I played with my hair.

I had never felt such powerful emotions before. It was unnerving. I remember feeling all the hairs on the back on my neck stand on end whenever he looked at me.

I closed my eyes and continued to breathe deeply. I can already start to feel myself relaxing and being in control of my emotions again.

_What are you? Woman or walrus?_ I grinned. For some reason, I could hear Rosalie's favorite silly phrase in my mind. She'd always say that to me whenever I was feeling unsure about myself.

I am usually very responsible and level-headed. My parents were strict, serious people who raised me and my younger sister in a no-nonsense way. They drilled in my head the fact that I was older and had to be a good example for Cynthia.

We didn't have much money growing up, so I worked part time at the local diner. I didn't have much time to focus on anything other than my advanced classes and work. In high school, Rosalie dated around and gushed about boys and their different anatomy parts. She would tell me everything in detail, and I would live vicariously through her.

I was a late bloomer too. While Rose had a full voluptuous figure by the time we started junior high, I was her nerdy, honor student, flat-chested sidekick. Boys did not pay much attention to me.

To my relief, my boobs came around the time Rose and I started at the University of Washington. And boy did they come! My 34Ds were no match against her 36 Double Ds, but on my tiny frame, they looked enormous. Boys started to ask me out, but I was so busy with nursing school that I didn't have much time to date. That and the fact that I knew they were just asking me out thanks to my tits.

Needless to say, I skipped the whole giggling-heart thumping-tummy butterflies-blushing phase that most girls go through. Which is probably why I am having a hard time controlling my thoughts and emotions right now.

_He's a patient. He has MPD. He's recovering from his addictions._ I chanted to myself over and over as I gained control of myself.

When I was sure I had reigned myself in, I stood up and walked back to the courtyard. I saw that Jasper had come out for a smoke and I gave him a small smile as I walked back inside the building.

_Good job! See you could do it!_ I mentally fist-pumped, proud of myself for not blushing or giggling like an idiot.

I went to the nurse's office and started on my small pile of paperwork.

**JPOV**

I finished my smoke and walked back into the building and down the hallway towards Hall B. They had a bunch of soft-looking chairs arranged in a circle. I was the first one there, so I chose the chair closest to where I thought the therapist would sit. That way, if he wanted me to say something, I would not have to talk so loud for him to hear me.

I could feel the nicotine going through my system and it relaxed me a bit. I remembered the little smile she gave me as she walked by when I was having my smoke. She has the sweetest smile I ever saw, her eyes would sparkle and light up her whole face. I'm a sucker for blue eyes, and hers were so warm and inviting. But at the same time, there was a mysterious glint in her gaze, like she held some sort of secret.

"Good to see you here, Jasper. How are you today?" Jim came through the door and I held back a sigh of relief. At least I already knew him. I hated having to talk to new people every time. He sat down beside me.

"I'm OK."

"That's good to hear." He smiled at me encouragingly, and I gave him a small smile back.

While we waited for the others to come in, I studied my middle-aged counselor and tried to guess how old he was. When I met him last night, instead of drilling me about myself, he told me about his life. I guess it was supposed to make me feel more comfortable talking to him and it worked a little.

He's been through it all. Abuse, foster homes, drugs, jail, you name it. Luckily, he had a team of therapists who didn't give up on him. He went through a whole year of depression when he could not even get out of bed, went through years of therapy and counseling to get to where he is today.

Looking at him, I would never have guessed that. Aside from the few small tattoos he had on his forearms, he looked like a pretty Average Joe type of person to me. What I noticed the most about him was how still he was. Especially since I kept moving and fidgeting next to him.

_Should I just ask him how old he is?_ I chewed on my lower lip.

I decided against it.

I would guess he's probably mid to late forties. I thought about that as I noticed other people coming in and sitting in the chairs. I wondered how long it would take for me to get to that peaceful state.

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The rest of the day passed by fairly quickly. Group was about an hour, then I had the rest of the afternoon to myself. I hid in my room and read a book Carlisle had given me.

Then it was dinner time. I ate by myself in a corner in the dining room. I did not feel like talking to anyone. Besides, the other patients here were mostly people in their thirties and forties, no one really close to my age. My eyes kept wandering to the door, wondering where Alice was, but I didn't see her.

After dinner, I went to the phone room to call Esme. I sat on the small couch and dialed the home number. She answered on the fifth ring.

"Hello?" she sounded out of breath.

"Hi, mom. Were you in the middle of something?" _God I hope it's not what I think it is. Gross._

"Jasper! I'm so glad it's you! No, I just walked in the door when the phone rang, I had a feeling it was you and I didn't wanna miss you call." Her voice sounded happy. "How are you sweetie?"

"I'm OK. We just had dinner."

"What did you have?"

"Chili. It wasn't half bad. I miss your cooking, though."

"I'll bake you some treats and bring it there next week when we visit. How is everything else? Are the people there nice?"

"Yeah my counselor is pretty cool. And the nurses and staff here all seem OK I guess." I thought about Alice. Probably best not to mention her to Esme.

"I'm glad to hear that. I'm so happy you're there and getting the help you need. But at the same time, I miss you sweetheart. Know that your dad and I love you very much."

I felt my chest constrict at her words. I was such a lucky bastard to have Carlisle and Esme. They've really pulled out all the stops for me. I know how much research they put in this place before deciding to send me here, and how hopeful they are for it to be the answer to their prayers. I hope to God I didn't let them down again.

I talked to her a bit more, about what I did yesterday and today. She told me what she had bought at the supermarket, the new recipe she was trying tomorrow and what dad had been up to in the last few days. I decided to let her go so she can put the groceries away. After promising to call her back soon, I told her I loved her and to send dad my love.

I got up and padded back into the dining room then into the little adjoining kitchen to make myself a cup of hot chocolate. I was just sitting at the small table when Alice walked in.

"Hi!" she looked happy to see me. I gave her a small smile as I felt a warm rush in my stomach.

She went over to the counter and started to make a cup of tea. I sipped my drink, trying not to be obvious as I observed her lithe, graceful movements. She had to reach up quite a bit to get the box of green tea out of the top cupboard, giving me a tiny peek at the skin above the waistband of her scrubs. The sight shot a jolt down my spine and straight to my dick.

_WHOA. Down, boy._

Shit! What is it about this girl that turns my already frayed nerves into live wires?

I tried my best to control my breathing as she brought her cup over and sat down across from me.

She was holding her cup delicately and I was mesmerized by her hands. They were so small, with pretty, slender fingers.

She smiled at me again. "So how was your afternoon?"

I brought my eyes back to hers and cleared my throat, hoping my voice came out stronger than I felt. "It was OK. Jim seems like a pretty cool guy." OK I know I was making small talk, but I honestly didn't know what else to say to her.

_Fuck! Why the hell am I so tongue-tied???_

"Yeah, he's one of the best counselors in the state. We're really lucky to have him on our team." She took a tiny sip, her small shoulders hunching up a bit. My eyes locked on her collarbones at the movement, they were so delicate yet so sexy. Collarbones. It was one of my weaknesses. I could feel my heart thumping a little faster.

_I must be a sick fuck if the mere image of her drinking tea turns me on._

Desperate to distract myself from her golden, glowing skin, I blurted out the first thing I could think of. "So how long have you been a nurse here?"

Her smile got bigger as her eyes sparkled. "Just under a year. I love it here! I used to work in the hospital, but I find working here to be so much more fulfilling. Seeing people transform and change. It can be a short or long process, depending on the person, but it is a process. And when I see a patient improve, it just makes me so….." She trailed off as her cheeks turned pink and she dropped her gaze. I felt the corner of my lips pulling up a bit. "Sorry I get carried away when I talk about my work." She started biting her lower lip.

_Mmmmmm…..those full, luscious lips_….

_Concentrate, dickhead!_

"I think it's really wonderful how you love it so much." She looked back up at me, her cheeks still pink. "I imagine being a nurse is pretty exhausting, it takes a lot out of a person." I cringed inwardly, remembering how I treated the nurses in my long list of hospital and rehab stints. I did not deal well with withdrawals; I was an asshole motherfucker to them.

She nodded and tilted her head to one side. "It was hard on me, working at the hospital. In my department, there were a few nurses who were so mean, you can tell the stress and dealing with angry, sick people had gotten to them. They were grumpy and bitchy all the time." She looked a bit guilty for telling me that. "I knew I had to get myself out of that negative atmosphere. So here I am. The staff here is awesome. We all love what we do and it really helps to have that, you know? Especially when working long hours."

I could not help smiling along with her. It was easy talking to her like this, when she was doing most of the talking.

_As long as I keep her talking about herself, she won't notice the effect she was having on me._

"How long are your shifts here?"

"Um….it depends. My sked is pretty flexible, like if I needed the hours, I could work a bunch of overtime. I'm actually here for the next two weeks straight."

I felt a surge of happiness at that bit of information. _Where the hell had that come from?_

When Carmen had given me the tour, she mentioned that the staff on shift lived on the center's grounds. It was suppose to be more convenient for them, since we were in such a remote location. She even briefly pointed out the three-story building on the other side of the courtyard where the staff lived

"Wow. Two whole straight weeks? Wouldn't you run out of things to do?" I knew it was a stupid question, but I was a bit surprised. From what I could tell, this place was run like a well-oiled machine. Sure, there were a handful of patients, but just as many nurses.

"Several of the staff has gone home this afternoon now that I'm here to cover their shifts. I'm a massage therapist here too." Duh! That was why the dining room looked a bit empty tonight.

_Wait. Holdup. She's a massage therapist too?_

I studied her and found myself for the second time that day, trying to age-guess. I would have thought she was around my age, but FUCK! Unless she was some child genius, how could that be?

She must have sensed my curiosity, as she let out an embarrassed laugh. "I was a geek in school. Advanced classes and all that. Started university as soon as high school ended." She saw my eyes widen. "I'm serious. I didn't even take the summer off, started in May. I did this fast-track 2 year program, no summer breaks."

_Holy Shit! Beauty AND brains! How many ways can this girl turn me on? _

I tried to discreetly adjust the problem in my pants, hoping she would not notice.

Then suddenly it dawned on me. Normally when I talked to people who seemed so put together, I'd feel self-conscious about my own fucked up life. But instead of fidgeting and feeling like crap as I listened to the beautiful girl talking, I felt strangely buoyant.

_Hm. That's a first._

It also brought my attention to something else. It's been a few hours, yet I was not jonesing for a smoke.

Of course, as soon as I thought it, my body started to crave it.

_Shit!_

I was really enjoying talking to her, but I decided to go now and make sure I leave on a good note. I did not want to go, but the knowledge that she was not going anywhere helped my resolve.

_Yep. She's stuck here with you for the next few weeks. _I smiled inwardly at the thought_._

I cleared my throat. "It was really nice talking to you." She smiled warmly at me. "I should go though."

"Yeah it was nice. Sorry I know I monopolized the conversation." The pretty pink tinge was back in her cheeks.

"Not at all." I walked to the sink, rinsed my cup, and put it in the dishwasher. I turned to her as I was leaving the room, my hand already going to my pocket where my smokes were. "Bye, Alice."

"Have a good night, Jasper."

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**Again, Reviews are LOVE.**

**I want to assure everyone that I have every intention of completing this story. I already have snippets of future chapters written, including some lemony goodness *wiggles eyebrows* **

**That being said, I can't promise when I'm gonna be able to update next. Real life is really kicking my ass. I still can't believe it's Dec 12 already. How can it be that it's only 12 days into the month and I'm already 20 days behind??? On top of that, I'm gonna be working for the Winter Olympics from now until mid March as I live here in Vancouver. I have to work looong shifts, as in 14 hour work days as we all scramble to get our city ready.**

**I will update AS SOON AS I CAN, or I'll try to at least put up some teasers. **

**Thanks for understanding. Have a WONDERFUL Christmas and an AWESOME New Year!!!!**


	3. Chapter 3

Hello All

I know I know it's taken forever for me to update and now all I have is this author's note. If I get in trouble with ff for doing this then hope y'all read this before it gets taken down.

First off, I apologize for the non-update lately. I have been going through some pretty major turbulences in my life lately, which has left me wondering myself where I stand with my writing.

I have written a lot of snippets for Fragile Strength. As I mentioned before, I have every intention of finishing this story, what is unclear even to me at this point is when am I able to do that?

I believe in writing when the moment is right, when the characters are speaking to me, which is why so far what I have is a lot of drabble and snippets but I am left with no connecting scenes and paragraphs and it is quite chopped up.

I have even written snippets of different Jalice one-shots, cos as you all know, I love Alice / Jasper and I will be writing them for the rest of my days.

My writing must really reflect my life right now, as I'm going through crap, everything is fuzzy and unclear.

So I am left to wonder…is it better for me to update with the drabble that I have so far, which deviates from my original plan of having an actual story? Or should I just put this baby on hold while I work out my shit?

Let me know what you would prefer. Either way, please know that one way or another I plan on finishing this. As well as giving you more Jalice one-shots. As I really want to give them a voice. The world on ff has so much Bellward stories that it breaks my heart…but that is another completely different issue I have…

I hope all of this makes sense to you, as I write this unfocused and confused…

In the meantime, please go to my fave Jasper Alice stories on my faves list and you will get your fill of them there.

Again, I apologize, and here's to hoping I get over this funk soon so I can start writing again.

Thank you all.

Bev


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